An idiots guide to Dueling

(Note to Kentucky Bar Asssociation: This is all a big joke)

For those of my followers who are not familiar with the Kentucky Bar Association, you are not allowed to participate in a duel. Or be a second. Southern culture was (and in many respects I wish still was) very much honor based. Think samurais with mint juleps.

You sir, would do best to keep my name out of your mouth. I'm packing.

Anyway, this was definitely a fashionable way to handle a dispute. So fashionable in fact, that it became a major problem in a lot of Southern states. Duels were a big spectacle. It hurt productivity, messed with the ability of legislative bodies to plan, and etc etc. Oh yeah, and a lot of people got killed doing it. Anyways, dueling wasn't a simple thing. It wasn't like the cartoons where a you have some people slap each other with a glove and all of a sudden its on. On till the break of dawn. I stumbled upon a dueling codex, called the Irish Code Duello. These are 26 provisions that governed thousands of duels. I will share a few of these.

Commandment 1: The first insult requires the first apology, though the retort may have been more offensive than the insult. Example: A tells B that he is impertinent (editors note: this translates to "a dick" in modern times) and B retorts that A is a liar; yet A must give the first apology, because he gave the first offense, and after one fire, B may explain away the retort by apology

Now, lets break that down. In other words, once you are in this, someone is shooting. A must apologize before a shot is fired. If you find that to be counter-intuitive, welcome to the club. The point of the whole affair is not determining right and wrong; it is proving yourself as an honorable person. That means saying sorry for something that you are willing to die for. Now, if one shot is fired, no one is hit, both sides apologize, everyone goes home happy....Or fuck that right?

Commandment 2: But if the parties would rather fight on, then, after two shots each (but in no event before), B may explain first and A apologize after.

Summary: You CANNOT apologize until you shoot at each other. Twice. Bare minimum. See -

Commandment 7: But NO apology can be received in any case after the parties have actually taken their ground without an exchange of shots.

Summary: We came to see a show, bitch. If everyone makes it to the dueling ground, with their seconds, and guns in hand there will be shooting. There was no backing out at this point. You were going to GET IT THE FUCK ON. And in case you are wondering, here is the best commandment:

Commandment 12: No dumb firing or firing in the air is admissible in any case. The challenger ought not to have challenged without receiving offense, and the challenged ought, if he made the offense, apology before he came on the ground; therefore children's play must be dishounorable on either side.

Summary: Shoot to kill. No one has come out to watch you puss out at the last second. The interesting thing to me about this is the caveat saying basically "hey, if you aren't pissed enough to kill a man, shut up." This reminds me of an old Friend family saying: "If you aren't mad enough to bareknuckle box, you're not mad."

Dueling has a long history, and nearly every culture has some form of mortal combat to settle a dispute. In some aspects, I have to respect this. I mean lets be honest; how many of you have been so gravely offended you would be willing to exchange gunfire with someone for it? But that was how highly people used to think of their reputations. And like I said, it's not unique. For example:

Anyways, I bring this up because I think it is a fascinating discourse. I know so many people who get so upset about so many thing. This should put into perspective some of the things we get angry about. Next time someone pisses you off, ask yourself: Am I mad enough to die? Because in the 1700s in Kentucky, that was a real honest to god issue. Good night sweet readers.